I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
