ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
