dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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