Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
