jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
