Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
