i don't like sucking hair
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
