The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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