Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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