tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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