I feel great
I just peed on a car
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
