I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i will never coherently bang her
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
