she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
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