honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
