I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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