You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize