Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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