Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell