I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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