I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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