remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
