Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
