This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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