it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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