Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
