i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
