somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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