Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
