I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
