So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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