her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
