Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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