i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
