Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
