JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
