He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
