D3 body, D1 cock
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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