please come you make the beer taste better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
