my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
