woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Houston, we have a blender
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
