margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
