I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
