ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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