I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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