I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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