At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
