the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
