wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
