You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
