No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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