when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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