Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
