i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
