You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
