I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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