we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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