I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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