I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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