oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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