I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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