so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's rum buckets o'clock
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
