I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
