I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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