if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
